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Monday, July 4, 2011

Time For Me to Vent

I know that this blog revolves around nail polish, and that's not changing. But sometimes I feel like I really need to let things out. I find it a lot easier to write about it. Since I have a blog, I think that's better than making some sad, depressing status on facebook.
I have SO enjoyed my time in Jacksonville, and I can't tell y'all how much I missed it. Driving down the main road in my community brought back a flood of memories. I never thought that I would enjoy this state as much as I did, but I am SO glad that I spent three amazing years down here. I began high school here, and it was a ROUGH start. By the end of my freshman year I was ready to head back up to Tennessee to be back with all my family and friends. I got to switch schools after my freshman year because of a zoning change, and for that I am super grateful! I loved my next high school. It was the best experience, and it made me realize that high school really isn't that bad. I met some of the best people, and even though some relationships didn't go the way anyone would want, the memories will never change and will never be forgotten. So that's what this trip brought back. All the memories and all the good times. Three years being spent away from family was hard, but it pushes you to make friends that seem like family because they are so close. Getting to see those people on this trip was so great. Seeing old friends, and boyfriends, was hard but worth every minute.
It's really really hard to focus on only the good. That's what I'm trying to do, but I just think about how hard it's going to be to leave. It was hard enough the first time, and it'll be just as hard this time around. What I have a hard time thinking about is that a place is what you make of it. I made Jacksonville a really great place. Making Memphis a great place is another story. I honestly feel like I've gotten everything out of that city that I can. I lived there many years when I was younger, and now I'm back. I've finished high school. I'm moving on. But I feel like the only thing keeping me in Memphis is the college classes that I'm beginning in the fall. I don't feel like I got everything I could out of Jacksonville. And that's why it's incredibly difficult to come back here. I couldn't not come back, though. That's not even an option. I always knew I would come back, and I know I'll continue to come back and visit. And hopefully for a longer period of time than three days. I'm very thankful that we were able to make this trip. It was worth every minute spent in the car, in traffic, stopping for gas and food. The 13 hour trip was worth it. I just can't help feeling sad that I have to leave.
So my question is, does anyone have a similar situation? I wish I knew more people that I could relate to that are going through/have gone through this situation. It's so difficult. I know my Mom feels sort of the same way, but my sister is another story. I love her to death, but she is making me crazy. She just keeps talking about how she wants to go "home." She even said it was because she had a "significant other" in Memphis. I just don't feel the same way as she does, so I'm trying to distance myself from her and realize that we all feel differently. And we have different ways of expressing everything. I just wanted to know if anyone else had any idea where I'm coming from? I guess this is life!
If y'all have stuck with me this long, thank you for reading. I know this is nothing interesting to y'all and it definitely has nothing to do with the main topic of this blog, and I'm sorry for that. I'll have pictures from the trip up soon, and then nail related things.
On a happier note, I hope all of my American readers have had a great Fourth of July! I did get to see a few fireworks, and that was all I really needed to see. So far I've spent, at least, the last three Fourth of Julys here in Jacksonville. I love how that worked out! :)


thenailaholic said...

I feel the exact same way. I don't have the means to get me back "home" right now, but I do plan on moving back someday. I grew up here, but I feel like that's all this town is. A place with a few memories. Take some time to think about what you really want, make a plan, and do it. If you want to go back to Florida, take your classes in Memphis and enroll in school back in Jacksonville for next year. It'll always be there waiting for you if that's where you're truly meant to be :)

Kay said...

Some places feel more like home than the place that is supposed to be home.

I hope you find a way to get to be in the place that feels like the best fit for you.

I like Thenailaholic's suggestion of going to college in Jacksonville next year.

Hang in there!

Audrey L said...

I'm sorry that I cannot relate not being in a similar situation but I can only imagine how hard it is to be somewhere and want to be somewhere else. Maybe sometime over the summer you can spend more time there. I'm so sorry you feel that way!

I know I havent been a follower from the start, but you were for me and I just wanted to say thanks so much Olivia it was the nicest thing when I checked my followers that day :) I nominated you for a blog award <3

Olivia C. said...

thenailaholic- Thank you- you're so right. Sometimes it just helps to hear that from someone else. It's so easy to feel lost even when you have so many options.

Kay- Thanks! I hope I can figure out where I'm supposed to be.

Audrey L.- Thank you! You're such a sweetheart! :)